I Got Your Back

I love this little goofy cartoon. It has made the rounds on FaceBook and other places as a great joke, but I think there is some truth in this that can really help marriages. This week I am writing posts on “How to Get the Most Out of Your Marriage.” This is based off my message from Sunday morning, October 11. You can listen to the message at www.lifequestlive.com.

One of the things I love about Alana is that she never leaves me hanging on an island by myself. Over the course of our marriage she has always had my back. Whenever times were hard, when I felt discouraged or afraid, when I felt like a complete failure, Alana has been the one who has supported, lifted, encouraged and propelled me forward.

If you really want your marriage to work, you need to have each other’s back. Make it very clear to everyone you meet, including your kids, that when it comes to you and your spouse, you watch out for one another. We live in a culture that values getting my own way, setting my own agenda, and blaming someone else for the outcome. That is not God’s design for our lives and certainly not for our marriages.

God’s plan is for us to have a deep, committed relationship that is supportive and encouraging to one another. The passage I spoke from on Sunday Ephesians 5: 23-28 has a definite role for a wife and a husband. And both roles involve sacrifice, love and devotion to your spouse.

Do you have your spouse’s back? Do they feel loved and supported in the decisions they make? Are they free to be themselves in all their beauty and al their failures? To get the most out of your marriage, have each others back.

Only Wanna Be With You

For the past couple of weeks I have been thinking a great deal about the subject of marriage. I have been speaking the last few weeks on topics submitted by people who attend LifeQuest. One of the most common topics requested was marriage. It seems like so many couples are struggling in their relationships. This week my blog will be sharing some thoughts and ideas about marriage and how to get the most out of your relationship.

God has blessed me so much with my wife. Alana is such a great partner and supporter. She has been my biggest fan and has helped me to develop the areas of my life that God knew I could never manage on my own. Alana is an amazing woman. She does so much and gives of herself constantly. I am so proud to call her my wife.

One of the lessons I have learned about marriage and relationships has been a very simple one. The first principle I want to share with you is this: make your spouse the only one you want.

It is really a simple lesson, but in our culture it is a lost art to only desire one person to occupy the most intimate places of your life. We live in a disposable society. If you don’t like your marriage, dispose of it. If your spouse doesn’t satisfy you, get a new one. We have made relationships transactions instead of investments.

To help remind me of how much I want to be with Alana, the song “I Only Wanna Be With You” is her ringtone on my phone. Now my marriage is not held together by Hootie and the Blowfish. It is held together by a choice to make sure that our relationship is a priority and that no other person gets a place of intimacy in our hearts. The song is simply a declared truth that I only want to spend my life with Alana. Alana has a ringtone on her phone set just for me. Whenever Kimberly hears it go off in the car, Alana tells me she laughs and says in a very sweet voice, “It’s your hubby!!”

If you are going to get the most from your marriage, you must make the choice that your spouse is going to be the only one to get a place in your heart. Love is a choice. Commitment is a choice. If you want your marriage to be dynamic, passionate, and full of life, you have to make the choice that your spouse is going to be the one you want to be with. You have to make the choice that your heart is set aside for that person only.

I encourage each of you to find your “song” for each other and let it become the soundtrack of your marriage.

Grace

I find it very interesting how God “speaks” to me. I have never heard an audible voice from God. I have never seen messages written in fire in the sky, nor had a burning bush give me a command of God. But God speaks to me over and over again in some very subtle ways. See if you can relate to this: a topic comes to your mind. Over a period of a few days or even weeks’ different people give different insight into that same topic. Every book, magazine or sermon you hear in some way reflects on that topic. That has been happening to me lately.

It has been happening regarding several areas, but one I want to address in particular: grace. I have always thought of myself as a person who gives grace. I try to forgive. I talk about forgiveness. I try to hear others. But the reality is that maybe what I have thought was grace was just lip service. Maybe what I envisioned was a grace that still allowed me to be right. Maybe what I pictured was not grace at all.

This morning I was listening to a message by an incredible speaker as I drove to the church. He pointed out that Jesus is about grace that forgives, not laws that pass judgment. I buy that. I teach that. I finished a book I was reading yesterday where the author was talking about grace as a tool of reconciliation instead of a measuring rod of correctness. Okay, I get that. But something keeps nagging me. Something just doesn’t feel right.

I have seen my grace shortcomings up close lately. I hold on to the anger people throw my way. I sense bitterness creep in and steal my joy. I resent times when I have been challenged. It may be that I don’t have this grace thing down after all.

Grace should bring freedom and not bondage. Grace releases and doesn’t smother. Grace restores and doesn’t break. Graced is meant to be extended and not stored. Grace is a never ending loop; the more you give the more you receive.

Today, I choose to extend grace. Today I will do my best not to have to be right. Today, I will release and not hold captive. Only by God’s grace.

Godly Focus

I am someone who has a hard time focusing in for long periods of time. I would have been a better student had I been able to take classes in twenty minute increments. I simply cannot sit still for very long. I had always hoped that as an adult this would change, but in all honesty, not so much.

Yes, I can force myself to sit through long periods of time when necessary. Yes, I love learning. Yes, I actually teach in a classroom setting occasionally so I understand the gluteus maximus to mind ratio. Basically it means the brain can only absorb what the butt can endure.

One of the things God has been showing me lately is how easy it is to lose focus. I have been reading the book of Nehemiah lately and re-learning some incredible lessons on focus. Nehemiah was leading a group of people who were worn out, afraid, and vulnerable. As a leader he was passionate, sacrificial and focused.

At one point, several of Nehemiah’s enemies tried to entice him into a meeting to trap him. Each time Nehemiah rejected their request to leave his job and meet. Instead he focused even more and asked God for strength (Nehemiah 6:9). Through Nehemiah, God accomplished a task of rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem in fifty-two days. But it would not have been possible if Nehemiah had not had incredible focus.

Here are three lessons on focus for any task you have to face:

1) Recognize that your calling does not come from human will. Whatever you do your life is designed by God for a perfect and focused meaning. Recognize that what you do today has eternal, spiritual implications.

2) You are going to have critics. Nehemiah was doing the impossible and people were not happy about it. Whenever God uses you to do something that cannot be humanly explained, you will have critics. Focus on your call, not the criticism.

3) Seek God for strength. Nehemiah prayed specifically that God would strengthen him for the task at hand. God is able to accomplish far more than we can imagine. So ask him to strengthen your resolve and your body to accomplish his calling on your life.

I hope that you were able to make it through. I hope you can focus. And I hope that God uses you to accomplish the impossible. Now, get off your gluteus and go do it!!!

Stuff that Matters

I love the moment where my kids begin to own their stuff. I don’t mean the physical junk that clutters the floor of their rooms. I mean the deep inside passion about things that mean the most to them. It’s the stuff that announces who they are and what matters the most. It is the stuff that makes you hope that you haven’t screwed them up by being a lousy parent.

When my oldest daughter Emily walks onto a basketball court and digs a little deeper to dive for a loose ball that makes me excited. When she talks about wanting to avoid places and parties she knows she doesn’t need to be at, that makes me proud.

When my youngest daughter Kimberly reads four levels above her grade level I am proud. When she is disgusted with injustice, it makes me excited. When she gets upset because kids are mean to other kids, it brings me joy.

This morning I had a moment with my son, Zach. He is in seventh grade and in public school for the first time. Today was the first See You at the Pole gathering for him at his new school. It is when Christians gather at the flag pole of their school to pray for their school. Zach was excited about going and he and I went over to the school an hour early so he could join in with others. No one else came.

Zach was crushed. He was actually a little mad. He couldn’t understand why no one else was there. He kept saying, “Why don’t Christians show their true colors?” For an hour we sat in the car and talked about it. I tried to encourage him and help him understand all the factors that may be involved, but he wasn’t buying it.

Zach prayed for his school. He prayed that Christians would stand up for what they believe. He prayed that people would do what was right. He prayed that he would show his “true colors.” Zach prayed that God would show up with power at his school that “no force” (his words) could stop. And all the while his dad was convicted that this little man has a passion that I underestimate so often.

This is the stuff that matters. This is the deep passion that I have prayed would develop in my kids. I have prayed that they would not follow my miserable excuse for a Christian life when I was a teenager, but that they would have a desire that nothing can stop. And this morning, it made me cry.

Everyone Hates Monday!!

Everyone hates Monday!! Every Sunday night at least one of my kids laments the fact that they have to get up and go to school the next day. People want another day to sleep, to relax and to be lazy. Everyone hates Monday!!

Monday’s are always interesting days in my life. As a pastor, my entire week is focused on Sunday morning. I plan, pray, read, think, write and study all to make the Sunday morning worship experience as good as I possibly can. No matter how good Sunday is, Monday is right around the corner.

A friend of mine who is also a pastor described the feeling as giving birth on Sunday and realizing you are pregnant on Monday. I think about that every Monday morning around 11:00 as I am trying to shake off the fog from Sunday and blaze through my fifth or sixth cup of coffee, I realize that in six days I have to be ready to go again. It is as if I need an EPT (Early Preaching Test) every week!

But Monday also reminds me of some great truths. First, God moves in people’s lives by the power of his word. Almost every week I have a card and e-mail or a note from someone telling me how God spoke to them through the message on Sunday. Second, I am blessed to be able to preach God’s Word every week. I was made for this. Third, God is faithful to show me his love and grace every day. I need to make sure I do the same for others. Even on Monday!!!

Why we Worship

I’m reading a book right now called “Ten Stupid Things That Keep Churches from Growing” by Geoff Surratt. It is a great book for church leaders and one that has some incredibly practical and simple advice that we often overlook in our busy lives. One question that Geoff asks in the book is, “why do we have a Sunday morning service?” For someone who has always worked in the church as an adult, the thought has never really crossed my mind.

I guess there are many reasons that we have worship services on Sunday mornings. It brings about a sense of community, we are able to invite people to a gathering, we feel better about our lives and our families, we train our kids, etc. But are any of these the right reason? Is that what it is really all about?

Geoff goes on to point out what I already mentally know but very seldom vocalize: we gather for worship to make the name of Jesus famous. Worship is not about our feelings or our desires. Worship is not about how good we look to others or how we feel about ourselves. Worship is about making the name of Jesus famous. Period. The end. There is no more.

I have found more and more over the last few years that so many people forget that. I have heard people complain about music, about the message and about the temperature of the room. Some people have actually claimed to have left our church, not because we weren’t teaching Christ, but because they were chilly in the service. To be honest, they were the ones causing the chill.

People get offended by stuff the church does all the time. What I find offensive and what I think offends God, is that we think Sunday morning is about us. Did the worship meet my needs? Did I like that song? Did the pastor offend me today? (By the way, the people usually offended by what I say on Sunday mornings are usually people who love religion and like Jesus. Just sayin!)

The reason we worship is about Jesus Christ period!! He came from heaven to earth. He taught us what it looked like to love God and love others. He died on the cross for our sins. He rose from the dead to defeat death. He is preparing our eternal home in heaven. He is someday going to return and rule for eternity. So, why should worship be about us?