My dad is dying. He has been very ill for about five years and it seems like we are really nearing the end. Hospice nurses have told us that they would not be surprised if he did not make it through the week. I have so many different thoughts and emotions that I know I can't explain them. On Sunday I asked the family at LifeQuest to pray for me, not knowing how bad my father was doing at the time, so I wanted to share some thoughts so that you can know what is happening in my head and my heart.
It is extremely hard not being in Mississippi where my family has gathered. However, it just doesn't work right now. I was there several months ago when he was in the hospital and never expected him to live this long. I am really waiting for the end and then will take my entire family for the services. The stress of not being there eats away at me, but I have done all I can do right now. My dad is pretty out of it mentally, so he does not even know I am not there. I am in constant phone conversation with my mom and siblings, so that helps.
Last night Alana and I sat down with Emily, Zach and Kimberly and told them. They were upset naturally, but handled it all fairly well. Emily spent most of the night writing a song. It sounded great from what I could hear, but I simply had to go to the other part of the house. It was hard. The only line I can remember is "It is never easy to say goodbye/there is never a right time to leave." It brought tears to my eyes as I dried the dishes. Zach went outside int he rain for a few minutes just to sit. Kimberly cried for a little while and just needed to be held.
For those of you who have been there, you know how painful it all can be. I am writing as a way of keeping people informed about what is happening in my life. I asked for your prayers this week and I covet them now.
The picture is from April at my nephew's wedding. It is my dad (Charles) my mom (Mamie) my sisters (Cathy and Caroline) and my brothers (me, Dan, David and Ron). If we come to mind this week, please pray for us as we walk this new and difficult journey.