This week has been full of them. From hope and excitement, to laughs, to tears, to pain. Caring for a parent who is terminally ill is never easy. It is especially difficult when you don't know how long the illness will last and what you can do to make it better.
This week with my dad has been one where I have discovered good and bad in my self and in my relationship to my dad. My dad is a good man. He always has been honest and has done all that he knew how to do to get by in life. He has been a man who wanted to live simply.
This week has stirred in me so many emotions. I have learned to see things through different lenses and to realize there is a great deal more that must be investigated. I am a very flawed person when it comes to compassion and care. I have very little to offer in patience. I am an imperfect caregiver.
I don't know how long my dad will last. He may be here another few days or weeks or it could be months. Only God knows for sure. I am not even sure my dad will know I was here after I leave. This has been a hard week for me personally. I feel like a limp noodle emotionally.
I am leaving tomorrow to go back home. I am not sure if I will ever see my dad again. I am working through all my emotions and all my own junk right now. So, I will not be writing about my dad's illness any more for a while. I need to process, pray and reflect.
Thank you for all those who have prayed, sent messages and notes. I appreciate them all and ask you to continue to pray for my mom and dad. Eventually I will update everyone and let you know how things are going. Feel free to ask and to call about how things are with my parents.
I love an appreciate all of you.